


Swipe Right

by TheUKAmazingDan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, M/M, One-Liners, Tinder, cheesy storyline, danielhowell - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, dating app, meteorologist!phil, really short, youtuber!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 04:38:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11478771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUKAmazingDan/pseuds/TheUKAmazingDan
Summary: Dan and Phil have never met. Well, at least they hadn't until Dan downloaded Tinder.





	Swipe Right

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short drabbly-thing I wrote for Dan's latest video.  
> idea from: [x](http://dnpsb.tumblr.com/post/162883074861/someone-write-an-au-where-dan-never-met-phil-and)

_He's cute._ I thought to myself, swiping right on a photo of a blond-haired boy who wore a smile and a wet suit. His profile said his name was Sam, and he was a surfer who was taking a break from his career in London. The next picture was of a pretty redhead with an eyebrow bar and black lipstick. I swiped left after noticing her age was set at 40. No thanks. I decided to swipe one more picture, and then I'd be done with collecting people to send weird pick-up lines to. 

The final person was a man named Phil. Simple, but it suited him, I noted, taking in his appearance. He had dark black hair that didn't match his eyebrows and deep blue eyes that seemed to stare at me through the screen. I swiped right, after very little thought, then put my phone down. All I had to do was match with the people I had liked. Now to wait.

It turned out that I didn't need to wait that long. After only thirty minutes, I checked the app again and found that I had matched with over forty people. That was quite unexpected. The only possible reason I could think of was that some of them watched my videos on YouTube. It wasn't like I was the best youtuber, but I did have over six million subscribers. 

I had a good mix of both men and women who had matched with me, and I started to try to narrow down which ones I'd like to chat with. I started to eliminate by age, this man too old, that girl too young. Then I went by what was in their bios, "beautiful disaster" and "just looking to fuck" were tossed out, but "I'm allergic to people who don't like dogs" could stay. And then, like the superficial person I was, I began striking off people by name, Victoria and Hubert were booted off my list, but Phil and Katelyn were kept. In the end, I had only ten people to chat with, four girls and six boys. 

Then came what I believed was the hardest part: actually talking. Now, as a youtuber, most would expect me to be outgoing, but just because I had such a huge fan base didn't mean I was all that confident. In fact, my camera was usually the only real person I chatted with all day, excluding the delivery boys who came to my house every other day. 

But, I got over my slight anxiety and decided to just do it, settling into a grey beanbag chair in my living room. My entire house was monotone, black, grey, white and other shades of what my mother called dull. "Daniel, you need a little color!" She crooned, every time she came to visit. "You should get a nice girlfriend who will help you decorate the place!" Unlikely. 

It seemed like these people on Tinder were crazy. Who would want to match with me? Even if these people did think I was attractive, the rest of my photos should have scared some of them away. I included a horrifying picture of myself crying below the refrigerator, another of me hunched over at my desktop, and a third from an unflattering angle, putting all of my chins on display. So, instead of deleting my account after not getting any matches like I thought I'd be doing, I began thinking of ways to start ten conversations. 

A few hours later, after collecting some material to work with, I took a break from the awkward, but hilarious chatting. I had already talked to seven out of ten people, and I figured that would be enough to film my video. I began to set up my camera and background, positioning the camera at the perfect place and turning on the fireplace simulation on my desktop computer. I pulled in my chair, and set it up just so, making sure my fans could see both the fireplace and the sign in the other corner that said "please love me." 

I went to change out of my old, faded t-shirt into something that screamed intellectualism, then finally pressed record on my camera and sat down in the chair, my phone, a charger, and a half-empty glass of wine beside me. I started out the video by giving my usual intro, then began explaining Tinder, how it was used, and what exactly I was doing on said site. After showing the concept of the video, I began reading out the conversations I had started with numerous people, feigning reactions and laughing at the pure confusion that resulted from my self-hating pick-up lines. 

"I said, 'Do you want to give me the D? By D I mean death. Please euthanize me.' Aaron then replied with three crying/laughing emojis." I stated, looking from the phone to the camera. "Wow, okay, I guess that shows how much my life means to you." 

I then moved on to a girl, deciding to switch it up, every other. "I messaged Haley, 'Can I have your number? You'll be my first contact because I have no friends.' She then replied with, _'lol. Do you have snapchat?'_ " I took a deep breath, then started to rant about how I wasn't good enough for her mobile, but good enough for a disappearing messaging app. 

Suddenly, mid-rant, I was interrupted by a ding. I looked down at the screen of my phone, only to see that I had received a message from that Phil guy. I finished my earlier thought, then returned my attention to my phone. I clicked to the conversations tab and clicked on his name. Maybe I'd just react to this as it happened, and I began reading every message out loud. 

I had originally messaged him, "What do law school and my mother's arms when I was a baby have in common?"

 _"Lol, what???"_ He asked with an emoji tacked onto the end. 

"I dropped out of them." I messaged back, a smile growing on my face. 

_"That's dark."_ He replied, only seconds after I had sent my last message. 

"Wait until you see my soul." I responded, trying to see how he would react. 

_"Oh, I'm sure you're lovely."_ Phil sent back. I could almost feel positivity radiating through the screen. 

"Really? Did you see my profile?" I questioned with a snort. I couldn't believe this guy. 

_"Yes."_ He messaged. Phil was either a creep or had really low standards.

"And you didn't want to swipe your phone left into another universe?" 

_"Noooo!"_ He disagreed. _"I thought they were v relatable!"_

Wow, he was not giving up. I let out a sigh, then wrote, "So it's not a bad thing that I spend all day at a computer?"

_"Who doesn't these days? Lol."_

I gasped, incredulously. "True. But what about my potato face selfie?" 

Oh for God's sake! _"Everyone looks like that from that angle. You're brave to post it!"_ He replied, his words radiating a kind of optimism I hadn't been greeted with in years. 

Why wasn't he rejecting me? "Okay well..." I began, not really knowing how to start. "What about that fridge selfie? How can you possibly excuse that?" I asked, satisfied with myself as I hit the send button. 

_"London is hot! I'm sat in my fridge right now x!"_ He responded, a flurry of winter emojis stuck to the end of his message. 

I huffed. This was not going how I had planned. "Is there anything that I can say about myself that will disappoint you?"

 _"Lol stop being so hard on yourself."_ There wasn't any other explanation besides that this dude was desperate. I was about to message him a goodbye when my phone dinged, another box appearing on my screen. _"Everyone has flaws, but it's your personality that counts, and I like yours."_

Well, shit. "I've tried so hard, but you won't let me fail." I sent. "You've defeated me." 

Seconds later, a message popped up, and I almost threw my phone. _"That's what humans should be for, picking each other up!"_

I swear I almost puked. This guys was the embodiment of an excited dog. Constantly radiating positivity and love. Shit, I was started to get attached. I began to feel a bit conflicted. At first I was just going to start conversations, then blow them off, deleting my app after I had finished my video. But somehow, this guy was pulling me in. 

I stood up and turned off the camera, then walked through my empty apartment to my bedroom, where I sprawled out across the bed, my phone still in hand. "You sure are optimistic aren't you?" I messaged back, then clicked on his profile and started to check this guy out for real. 

I first read his bio, "a meteorologist living in London, looking for a player two." Wow, a meteorologist? I couldn't recall seeing him on the news, but to be fair, the only weather I got was from the iPhone app. It seemed that he only lived a few blocks away from my house, according to his location, but I was really blown away when I began looking through his photos. 

I had already seen his profile picture, but the next few photos pictured him in an array of situations. One featured him smiling with his eyes closed and pointing to a stack of pancakes in front of him, glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. He _was_ kind of cute. The next photo showed him with a head set on, talking into a microphone while pressing buttons on a control panel. Perhaps he was a radio meteorologist, and that's why I hadn't seen him before. Then the third showed Phil with another man who looked similar to him at the beach, arms around each other as the sunset crept up behind them. 

_"Yep. It's one of my best qualities!"_ Phil finally responded. 

God, he was cute and happy. Why the fuck was he single? I decided to ask him. "How are you still single?" 

_"It's probably because I never shut the cupboard doors after I'm done in them."_ He wrote back. 

"That's it. Bye." I sent jokingly, shaking my head. What weird behavior for a grown man. 

_"Noooo! I liked you! :("_ Phil responded. 

"I'll message you later." I sent back. After all, I did have a video to make, even though a real conversation with an actual person tempted me. 

_"Fine. Goodbye, Dan."_

"Goodbye, Phil." 

\---

_"You're danisnotonfire?"_

The message had sat in my inbox for about three hours. Of course I had seen it, I had been having long conversations with Phil for weeks now. After I made the video and uploaded it to YouTube, I was going to delete the tinder app forever, but a blue-eyed man had somehow convinced me to stay on, purely through conversation. 

Finally, I worked up the courage to open our conversation and type out a quick message. "Yeah. I'm sorry." 

_"Why are you apologizing? That's so cool!"_ The reply came almost directly I hit send. I was surprised. 

"You aren't angry? I literally met you while trying to basically scam people online." 

_"I know. I saw the video, and I thought it was funny!"_

I snorted. This guy..." I'm not funny. I'm philosophical and contemplative."

 _"Whatever, Dan. Regardless, you're great."_ Phil replied. 

"That's a lie." I typed. 

_"You make me really happy."_ He replied, arguing my statement. 

"I do?" I asked, almost not sure that he was serious. 

_"Yeah. We should really go out on a date sometime."_

"A date?" I questioned. 

_"Yeah, you know, I take you out, I buy you dinner, then you come back to my place and we play Mario Kart until we pass out on my couch."_ He sent back. 

I bit down on my lower lip. "Yeah. Let's do that." I agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that was short and gross, but I wrote it in like three hours so I'm pretty proud of it??? Anyway, have a good day/night, y'all! See you next time!


End file.
